having a really hard time wrapping my head around all of this. i teeter between moments of clarity and complete confusion. i often find myself clock watching until the next pain pill (because i’m actually in a lot of pain). one moment i’m ok and can see the light and the next i’m crying and so sad anders didn’t have a Christmas. i should just be thankful to be at home and able to move but it still makes me sad. we decided to wait 2 more weeks to have a xmas. i’m really nervous about work. i can’t sleep. maybe if i just slept things would be better?
things weren’t going well to begin with and i can’t help but feel like this was yet another setback. i’m trying to be positive but it’s been real hard. ugh - i just want some normalcy. or to win the lottery.
